flatlinemillado:

Love, Heartbreak, and Philosophy:
The Pre-Relationship Evaluation Period 

By: Millado

Before we get started, (1) This is not a poem, (2). I do not claim to know everything about love. This may be totally wrong, so don’t get mad if you disagree. I didn’t take classes, I didn’t win an award on it. And who knows, there probably will be people who disagree with what I have to say, and that’s fine. I’m not a guru on this. But in the past few weeks, some of the closest people have experienced heartbreak and turmoil, and as any good friend, I offered my ear, conversation, comfort and feedback. So this is what I have realized through me reflecting on what I have said to them, and what I have learned from it.

This post is about pre-relationship heartbreak. You know, the ‘checking’/courting part. The evaluation period. We’d all hope this will work out, and this period will only act as a transitional stage to relationship and the happily ever after. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn’t - and this is what this post is directed to.

Sometimes, love makes a man/woman do/think crazy things. It blinds us - to the point where we ever forget the basic principles of our happiness and, essentially life. This person you are pursuing may appear to be the most amazing thing in the world. Who knows, maybe he or she is. And this connection is so strong (at least on your side), that you’ll do anything to be with them, even disregard these very same principles of a relationship.

What are these principles? It’s nothing important. It’s just overshadowed by the pyrotechnics and commercialized expectations we created.

The first (1st) principle of matchmaking and love is:

1. Be with someone who likes/loves you.

Heartbreak sets in when you realize that this amazing person is not reciprocating that love that you so desperately want. As much as you beg, plead, bargain, in the end, you should - no, you are entitled to be with someone who likes you. This person you like, no matter how amazing they may be, is irrelevant if they do not like you back in a way that you do. I’m not saying grieving is stupid and pointless. Grieving is cleansing. Instead, this is more of a reassurance that every decent person deserves to be with someone who likes them back. The person you intend on being with should like you. Simple.

In the courting process, the principle one is a given. You would obviously like this person, or you wouldn’t be in this evaluation period. However, although principle two is really obvious, the love and want for relationship over shadows this.

The second (2nd) principle is:

2. Be with someone who wants AND works to be with you.

There’s a different between this principle and a person who just wants to be with you. Be with the person who works for it. The person who will not look past the flaws, but work with it and integrate it. The person who will go through all boundaries just to be with you. People experience heartbreak when this person does not want to be with them. And of course, this heart break is justified. The heartbreak is cleansing. However, sometimes it gets to the point where you begin to blame yourself. Listen - You, along with everyone else, do not deserve to be without someone who does not want to be with them. You will not be happy with someone who does not want to be with you. Maybe temporarily, you will. This is like, emotional imprisonment. Be with someone who works for you. Who wants to be with you.

If you are sincere, genuine, and an overall good person - following these principles will lead you to the person you deserve to be with. Along with good judgement in the sincerity of the other person, you will eventually find the right person. I cannot guarantee a time line. I cannot guarantee success. These are just my opinions.

These principles, along with good fate and faith, lead you to someone perfectly matched to you. I’m a strong believer that good people will have happy endings. So keep searching. Don’t settle, and don’t beat yourself up over someone who: (1) loves you, (2) does not want to be with you.

You, not as a cheesy, love deserving body, but just as a human being of emotions and rights, deserve better. You deserve these.